Rainbow Dash And Gilda Are Nudist Queens
by Hardman 5509
Summary: Without a doubt, the most serious story I ever wrote. I deserve a medal. Anyway, it's about how the high-flyers are queens of the nudists.


_For WeirdKev-27 and his awesome avatar._

_Now for something completely different. Nudist human-ponies!_

_Boy, this one is going to be fun. But, before you begin, take a deep breath. A really deep breath. I did the worst thing one could do, type with reason. Enjoy crack! Or run._

* * *

Once upon a time, in a world that never developed clothes, (Fur was used for silly hats, ugly furniture, and shoes.) there lived a happy couple of nudist human queens. Lightning Queen Rainbow Dash and Badass Queen Gilda. They loved each very much, and had many sexual encounters together.

Dash was the fastest in the land, and every year would race the royal acrobatic team and win. She loved to live life at fast speeds, and often would end up in the hospital after her stupidity led her to a obstacle. Her body was strong, yet her breasts were small, something that Gilda teased about. Dash got her revenge by using her speed to easily subdue Gilda. Or, if Gilda prepared, made the love-making go by fast.

Gilda was the most awesome person in the land, something that no one could argue due to the skewed scale of awesomeness. A common parody of her would involve pointing out how everything she had or did could be done better by another. Not the strongest, not the smartest, not the fastest, (As previously implied.) not the nicest, not the meanest…and so on until Gilda appeared behind and KO you with her giant rack.

But a nightmare came before the happy kingdom. Not a nightmare about being naked in public, or rather wearing something silly, but one about the removal of the leaders and upsetting any sort of balance. If balance was a word that could be used here.

A lady with glowing hair by the name of Celestia came forward to challenge the two queens. She claimed to be the most powerful, and had the biggest rack. She wished to drive out the smaller chested, as they were a blight upon the land of beauty. As she bounced her point around, the two queens decided she was just a doomsday prophet and let her yell until she left to get a glass of water.

But Celestia was married to a great shaman, Zecora. The two, like Dash and Gilda, had much sex, but Celestia was always on top. However, Celestia promised three nights of her being on bottom if Zecora could create a potion that would help Celestia achieve her goals.

After three nights, Zecora finished the potion.

The potion gave Celestia super-powers, and so she became Princess Sun, and fought the evil Clothes Gang on many occasions, winning hearts and minds of all naked people everywhere. Zecora joined in as Princess Potion and continued to fight against any sort of clothed menace. A favorite tactic of their was the Breast Lock, where they would crash into a bad guy at different sides and trap them in between their boobs.

And once the day was won, they had sex. Sure, it ruined evidence and contaminated the crime scene, but the danger was a major turn on.

Eventually, Celestia returned to Dash and Gilda's castle and forced them out, as the people had already threw them out when the two tried to create a law about superhumans, but stayed on site by living in the freezer.

Dash and Gilda weren't too fond on the outside world. People threw fruit at them, and not the rotten type. They preferred rotten to fresh projectiles. They had to live in a apartment, but they were kicked out once the manager got sick of the two trying to have sex in the kitchen. And people molested the two, but either left due to Dash not being big, and Gilda for being punchy.

So the two, getting sick of having sex in second-rate public fountains, decided to get their castle back.

First off, they raided Zecora's potion hut. It involved a motorcycle chase across a swamp of flying alligators, using a secret, giant railgun to destroy a giant robot, defeated a group of pirate ninjas, had to beat a world champion in dropball, and beat the world's version of devil in a game of tic-tac-doom, where even a scratch would mean they would lose their souls.

But the editors decided it was boring and too time consuming to write, and burned the pages with their unneeded money.

After taking a crash course in potions, (As in, they blew up three islands before they realized that the dynamite they were using was listed on every page of the 'Alchemy For Dummies' as the 'No.1 Worst Ingredient.) they too gain powers and became Princess Rainbow and Princess Badass.

Celestia and Zecora were too strong to take on head on, so they did the smart thing and attacked at night, when Celestia had chained Zecora to the bed and was getting the whipping cream, the cherries, chocolate sauce, and the bananas.

Get it?

Celestia loved eating her sundaes from her Zecora bowl.

The battle was short, as all Dash and Gilda do was taser them and put them outside. Celestia and Zecora ran away, as their worst enemies had discovered their weakness: a badly used taser that fired out only 100,000 volts. They left the land and never returned.

And so, Gilda and Dash again became queens. The people hated them, but hey, they could make love in the armory again! You see, they really loved each other, and that's why they had sex at least three times a day. But really, they made on average over a year: 156.6 kisses a day.

And then Gilda got pregnant. Yeah.

Celestia and Zecora also had a baby, and one day, the two babies would be adults instead of babies and become lovers.

Now, go outside and take a deep breath. Then send this story to others. The story of Dash/Gilda and Celestia/Zecora must live on, for...

...oh. Sorry, I was just fired for going against company policy against any couple that ins't Celestia/Dash. Well, bye.


End file.
